See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
