I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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