I showed him my bush... on skype.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
