I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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