Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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