Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
