it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
