You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
