The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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