all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
