The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
