You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
