I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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