Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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