im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
