Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
