She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
