So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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