do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
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