He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
