dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
