Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
kristin has been a bad kristin
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
