At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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