three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
