I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
