I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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