I will die if light touches me.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
