If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
