I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
