as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
