I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
