do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She announced her abortion via fbk
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
