And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize