I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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