Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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