Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
