i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
