So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Pants are for mortals
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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