just come out here and I will go home with you...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
