operation harelip BJ is a go
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
