Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
