I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
