the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
