We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
