the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
