we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
