He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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