The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
