Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
