for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize