I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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