i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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