Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
