no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
