either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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