State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
