I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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