We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
