the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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