Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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