Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
