Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
