theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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