she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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