its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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