those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
